The Laughing Wolf

Way of the Wolf: Manners

It is a sad sign of our times that the use of good manners is often derided publicly and privately by so many. That this says more about such people than otherwise goes without saying, but it remains dismaying the ignorance being shown.

For manners are not some tool of the elite designed to segregate the classes, nor are they an anachronism no longer needed in these times. Now, more than ever, we need manners to advance ourselves and our culture.

Author and philosopher Robert Heinlein referred to manners as the social lubricant, and that is no less than the truth. Manners as we know them started as a way of indicating not merely rank, but good intentions. The handshake came about as a way of showing that one was unarmed and of good will. Given that for most the right hand is dominant and therefore the weapon hand, it was a demonstration of good faith and good will to grasp the right forearm or hand of the person you were meeting. As for lefties, there was something sinister about them and being the minority they had to both adapt, and accept a tacit advantage given by the majority. By the way, if you did not get the previous pun, go look up sinister in a good dictionary and scan down into the “other” meanings.

Many table manners came about for reasons of good will, not to mention good health. I also rather suspect a strong desire for more pleasurable sights was also a factor, as few truly like to watch someone chew with their mouth open. Manners prevented disturbances at the table caused by jostling and such, prevented the spread of germs (and food poisoning, but that is another tale), and worked to reduce the cleanup required after a meal.

Given these historical origins, there are those out there who consider manners unneeded. Never mind the fact that they can be a way of helping ease situations, prevent misunderstandings and fights, they are old fashioned. A lack of knowledge, or an abundance of pseudo-knowledge, calls for them to be instruments of oppression though they are not and never truly were such.

Indeed, I think some of the misinformation may be deliberate, since there are two fundamental underlying principles that fly in the face of certain forms of social engineering. Simply put, manners are a way of saying to another “You Matter” and proclaiming to the world that you think about and care for others. In other words, manners are a way of saying that you can and do think of something besides yourself.

Being courteous towards others is the ultimate sign of respect, both to them and to yourself. It says very clearly to them that they are a unique person, worthy of respect, and that you are willing to give that to them. It also says that you have enough self-confidence, enough respect for yourself, that you can share the wealth and give respect to others.

Manners matter. Good manners, in interactions or at the table, show what you truly are and what you think of those around you. Show respect for others, and most of all yourself, by exercising them in every situation.

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