The Laughing Wolf

Dirty Dancing Bush Style

Over the weekend whilst channel surfing, I came across some entertainment show talking with some “celebrity” about their having “dirty danced” with one of the Bush daughters. The anchor seemed to have heavy going of trying to turn this into some sort of scandal, with the White House having banned said “celebrity” from ever going there. The male in question actually earned some points by stating that he and the daughter were only friends, etc., and actually showing some signs of gentlemanly behavior.

To the network newscast/entertainment show/whatever it was (I have a hard time telling them apart these days), if you are going to invent a scandal, do it right. Get really creative. Let’s face it, if GW is like most dads I know, you can be creative and probably hit it right on the mark. Like this.

GW: He did WHAT with my daughter!?! I want him dead, do you hear me, DEAD! Shoot him, go shoot him right now.
SS: Now sir, we can’t do that. The Secret Service can’t just go and shoot him for dancing with your daughter. Now if he had had a gun or even a pocket knife…
GW: That wasn’t dancing, that was groping with a beat!
SS: Now Mr. President, you know how it was at that age.
GW: Why do you think I am so mad? I remember what I was trying to do, no matter what they say about the drinking.
SS: Now, Mr. President…
GW: I don’t care. He touched my daughter. Can’t you at least break an arm or a kneecap?
SS: Believe me sir, I wish we could. If that were the case, my daughter’s last two boyfriends would sleep with the fishes. As it was, I couldn’t even turn them over to the alien genetics program.
GW: We have an alien genetics program? Hmmmmmm….
SS: Sorry sir, but this boy is not a candidate. He is a celebrity and would be missed.
GW: Celebrity? What has he ever done? Movies? Who says he is a celebrity?
SS: Well, his agent for one, and your daughter for another. She swears that he will be A-list one day soon. Personally I think he is grade C and likely to stay that way, but I am not going to argue with any Bush female anymore.
GW: (laughs) Yes, Mom never has forgiven you for that incident has she.
SS: No sir, not in the least. We caught her the other day with another Barrett lining up to try and take a shot at me.
GW: No, not a good idea to get them mad. Hmmmmmm… Maybe I’ll invite him to go up to Camp David for the weekend with me. Take him off in the woods, “have a little talk with him” and…
SS: No good sir. He is a celebrity, people would notice. Your daughter would notice.
GW: Yeah, no good. She would be mad. Wait a minute! You and his agent keep harping about what a celebrity he is, don’t they all work out and such?
SS: Yes sir, they usually do.
GW: Great! Let’s get him in one of those kickbox programs. Then we put in a female agent, right behind him, and she “goofs” with a low kick…

See, it’s not that hard and – like a lot of the Iran and War coverage – might even have some truth in it. You have truth, government conspiracy, a loose cannon president, drag up his past drinking, and even space aliens for the tinfoil hat brigade. Since you’ve given up all pretense of fair, balanced, and the rules of journalism, have fun with it. Who knows, get creative enough and maybe you can be like the New York Times and earn another fiction Pulitzer like the Ukrainian famine one they got. Trust me, I know you can do it.

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