The Laughing Wolf

The Gifts We Give

The subject of gifts has come up repeatedly in the last couple of days, and has sparked a train of thought that seems appropriate for feeding thought this Saturday. Indeed, literal feeding has sparked part of this.

Too often today, the definition of a gift is deliberately misrepresented by far too many people. What is presented is not a gift, something given without expectation of any benefit, but a bribe or payment in exchange for something. A birthday "gift" is given in expectation of an even better "gift" being presented later in return. A "gift" of jewelry or some other expensive item is presented in expectation of sex or other form of paid companionship. A "gift" of sex or other commodity is presented in exchange for protection or otherwise living a certain lifestyle of material comfort. The list can and does go on almost ad infinitum these days.

In re-reading at breakfast this morning the book We Few by David Weber and John Ringo, I was struck by the following exchange:

"A person's conscience is her own," Despreaux said stubbornly.
"Heaven's bells, if it is," Koustic said caustically. "We spend most of our lives doing things because we know they're the right things to do in other people's eyes."

Think about this, and how the rampant corruption of the concept of a gift begins to make more sense. Add in the concept of guilt and general unworthiness a la so-called yuppie guilt and similar ilk, and the conflict and confusion engendered by the receipt of gifts becomes a bit clearer.

From the time we can begin to toddle around, we are being told that we are unworthy, that we don't deserve all the good things in our lives. From starving children in X and oppression in Y, we have it so lucky and we really don't deserve it unless and until everyone else has as much or better is a constant message. The logical fallacies of such are left as an academic exercise to the reader, for while we know it to be false intellectually, emotionally we are extremely susceptible to it. It is pounded into us and operates on a subconscious level, for at least as long as we let it.

I am no more immune to it than anyone else. I have been reluctant to accept offers of service from others because I fear incurring an obligation. Knowing that for what it is does not necessarily change things, for it resonates in us on a deep emotional level. I have seen the same in others, when I have offered them service, food, or simple hospitality. "What do they really want?" shows up very clearly in face, body language, and action.

As for me, what I really want is to give pleasure to others, to meet new people, and perhaps to build some new friendships. If some of that becomes more, then that is merely a bonus. What I do not want to do is to take part in the misrepresentation of a "gift" to anyone, for I would rather have the honesty and integrity to purchase openly that which is desired, be it sex or whatever, than to obtain it under false pretenses.

Most of all, I want to avoid the ultimate trap of giving or getting "gifts" in exchange for the illusion of love. Love truly is the ultimate gift, given freely and without expectation of reward. It can not be bought or sold, merely given. It is also the hardest true gift to accept, for rarely does anyone feel they truly deserve it, simply because it is given without reservation or expectation not just from the heart, but the soul. It is an honor to be offered that part of a person, and also a good way to tell if the person truly is offering love, for it comes with no strings or demands. When offered that true gift, accept it even if you don't believe you deserve it, for to decline it hurts only you in the end, and indicates some problems with your own heart and soul. Rejecting an honestly given gift of love is to reject all love from all sources.

Today, think about the gifts you give and why you give them. Are you truly giving gifts? Or, are you making payment as you would for any commercial transaction? Are you letting cynicism prevent you from accepting true gifts?

Do you go with the herd, or do you give and accept gifts as they were meant to be?

LW