The Laughing Wolf

VALOR-IT: An Address

Be seated.

Now, I want you to know that no bastard ever won a competition by sitting on their butt. They won it by getting off their butt and getting others to do so as well.

All this stuff you've heard about America not supporting its troops, especially the wounded troops, is a lot of horse dung. Americans traditionally love those who fight. All real Americans love the sting of competing to help them. When you were kids, you all admired the champions in various competitions, and there are no greater champions than our wounded soldiers. Americans love a winner, and will not tolerate a loser.

That is why the Army team will not lose this important competition. I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for anyone who laughs at this and does not do their part. The very thought of losing is hateful to us, and to all Americans.

Now the Army is a team, and we are raising money as a team for our wounded. This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap. The bilious bastards who write that it is about them know as much about helping the wounded and raising money as they do about fornicating. The Army team has the finest writers, the best blogs, and the best people in the world. You know, by God, I actually pity those poor fools on the other teams. We are going to leave them in the dust, raise our goal, and keep on raising money so that every wounded soldier who needs VALOR-IT from any service has it. We are going to use their blogs to grease the skids to raise even more money than they ever dreamed of.

Now, some of you are wondering if you will chicken out under the stress of competition. Don't worry about it. Wade into this, spill their ink, and get their readers as well as your own to donate to the Army team. When you put your hands into the goo left behind by the Navy team (they don't call them pukes for nothing), well, you will know what to do.

Now, there is one other thing I want you to remember. I don't want to get any comments that our team is holding its own. Leave that for the Marines. We're not holding on to anything, let the Air Force do that. We are advancing constantly, and we are only interested in raising more money than all the others combined. We are going to hold them by the nose and kick their collective asses. We are going to go through them like crap through a goose.

Now, there's one thing that you will be able to say when this is all done, and you may thank God for it. When your grandchildren ask you what you did for the troops, you will not have to say that "I shoveled shit for the enemy." You will be able to proudly state that you helped our wounded, because you gave in the great campaign for VALOR-IT.

All right now you sons of bitches, you know how I feel. I am proud to be beside you in this, and to help with this effort.

That's all.

*****
Other news from the front here, here, and here. Go read it now and spread the word!

LW