The Laughing Wolf

It Began Early, It Did

A sense of humor in life is mandatory, and a warped sense of humor is vital for surviving/dealing with/and/or recovering from some of the more interesting things we do in life. The Acidman was one of the first to get me to open up and share some of that which I normally keep hidden, at least on the blog. I think he recognized something in me, namely that I am much more a smartass than I care to admit. To keep skin and career intact, I tend to be dry, keep a straight face, and be very careful of the line. For example, I did refer to an ostensible superior one time as having their sense organ cluster firmly embedded in their ventral orifice, and got away with it because while some knew it was bad, they couldn't figure it out .

Given that there are not statute of limitations on this story, I figured I would share a little weapons-related humor with you. No, not the time I blew my sorry rear onto freshly cut saplings, the six- to eight-inch stumps of which did a credible imitation of punji stakes. Nor the time I slipped blanks into the gun of someone trying to impress the ladies with their marksmanship. No, this one is the time I was probably the most obnoxious with a weapon.

It was in high school, and I was a junior part of the rifle team. We had a teacher who was probably a very nice person, but a bit -- flighty I think is a good word. They tended to be a touch unfocused, and as such pulled some notable bloopers such as saying that there were B-52s (as opposed to B-17s) at Pearl Harbor. I suspect now that some of what went on was an act, but there were parts that were not. One day, this teacher began asking questions about firearms, marksmanship, and more.

It was then that my inner nature came out and in a very serious and straightfaced manner, began instructing them. I explained sight picture and more, and decided to see how far I could take things. I took it to the point that I was talking about pulling the small end into your shoulder, sighting through the rear peep, and carefully pushing the trigger -- and having them appear (at least) to start buying into it. When they finally worked through the logic, I got a look and a wagged finger. To this day, I wonder how much they were just playing along -- and I hope they really were. The alternative does not bear contemplation.

LW
who notes for the gentle souls out there that the weapon never did point at them, was unloaded, safed, and I may even have pulled the firing pin (another fun trick to pull on people)...

Okay, I'm Tired

And I don't feel real great. But you know, I'm just glad I'm not this far gone. ROTFLMAO! Thanks for a good and much needed laugh Grau...

LW

She Speaks For Me...

And am glad to see she added in Dies Natalis Solis Invicti and Mithras to the list. Since I am known for going "Bah, Humbug" all year long, allow me to suggest that anyone offended today Sod Off.

LW

A Designer Drug I Enjoy

Yes, I admit that I like this drug very much. Spot on that it is lickable, and very, very enjoyable that way.

LW

Never Trust A Senior/Smiling Marine

Heh. T1G tells of a painful learning experience, and such things can be most interesting. The best story I have heard was (Me? Why no, nothing like this ever happened to me... *innocent look*):

He had wanted to go tour in East Germany for some time, and finally had the chance. Knowing that some members of his unit dealt with intel and were fluent in German and Russian, he went to them for some linguistic help as he wanted to make a good impression whilst showing the flag. They assured him that Russian was the best language for such purposes and proceeded to help him with his list of phrases which started with a "cheerful greeting" and ended with "Which way to the train station" for the end of the day and the return to the West. Happy, he memorized them and went forth.

The looks he got in response to his cheerful greeting, delivered with a huge smile and a wave from all reports, were interesting. A few people sort of snorted and smiled back, but most just gave him looks. At the end of an interesting day, he approached a police officer to ask how to get to the train station. To his horror and surprise, the officer turned red with anger and swelled up. He was then told in a cold voice that the train station was that way, to go get onboard and NEVER come back. Several plain clothes "police" materialized and just happened to walk with him to the train station.

As it turned out, the greeting was a Russian swear phrase involving your mother and the final phrase really came out as "Where are your secret military installations" or some such. The others were in the same vein.

No, I was not involved with any of this other than rolling with laughter upon hearing the tale, but did have a buddy who knew a little about intel and was commended for blowing up one of our own command posts... The worst I have ever done was to suggest to someone that "Su Madre" was a nice response to Spanish speakers...

LW
remind me one day to tell you about the "Russian" tank commander in our top line tank...

Staged Event Casts Doubt Over Liberation

Rand Simburg has the story.

On a related note, check out this story and this story and note the reactions.

LW

My Blog Monster

Courtesy of the Solo's (resisting Napoleon and Han Jokes) comes my Blog Monster:

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alt="Lethal Abhorrent Unkindness-Gripped Hitchhiker-Nabbing Geek-Wracking Ogre from the Legendary Forest"
border="0">

LW

The Condensed Harry Potter

If you have not yet read the new book, serious spoilers; but, if you want a side splitting quick readgo here. It helps if you know a bit about fan fiction, but even if you don't, you can still pull in quite a bit through context. Thanks go to the delightful Ith for sharing this.

LW

Quiz Tuesday

Busy with work right now, so here are some quiz results.

I think I resent the implications of this one:

I am 26% Hippie.

I need to step away from the tie-dye. I smell too good to be a hippie and my dad is probably a cop. Being a hippie is not a fashion craze, man. It was a way of life, in the 60’s, man.

Take the
Hippie Test
@ FualiDotCom

This one is not too far off I think:

the Ham (39% dark, 43% spontaneous, 38% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | LIGHT Your style's mostly goofy, innocent and feel-good. Perfect for parties and for the dads who chaperone them. You can actually get away with corny jokes, and I bet your sense of humor is a guilty pleasure for your friends. People of your type are often the most approachable and popular people in their circle. Your simple & silly good-naturedness is immediately recognizable, and it sets you apart in this sarcastic world. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Will Ferrell - Will Smith

I can live with this one:

Der Resistance Achtung! You are 38% brainwashworthy, 31% antitolerant, and 61% blindly patriotic

Welcome to the Resistance (Der Widerstand)! You believe in freedom, justice, equality, and your country, and you can't be converted to the the dark side. Breakdown: Your Blind Patriotism levels are borderline unhealthy, but you show such a love of people from everywhere and a natural resistance to brainwashing, you would probably focus your energy to fight Fuehrer with furor, so to speak. Conclusion: Born and raised in Germany in the early 1930's, you would have taken up ARMS against the oppressors. Or even your friends' oppressors. Congratulations! Less than 5% of all test takers earn a spot in Der Resistance!

This one is spot on:

LW

Time I Came Out

It started about three weeks ago, when I was walking to Taste of Tippacanoe and had a car full of girls start yelling out about my being a dyke. Then, there were some conversations with a blogger that had me telling more than I planned. This week was the capper, when I finally found my stash of lesbian erotica. It is time I was honest with you and with myself: I am a lesbian.

LW
who is in a warped frame of mind this morn...

The World Trembles...

Upon its very foundations as I discover that Baldilocks is white, and Ith is really some actor. What's next, finding out that Eric is really a metrosexual? Oh, wait, he has the shoes...

LW

who says cheap laughs still work

Jobs And Being Thankful

Catfish recently sent me a goodie about a job to be thankful you don't have: personally testing each individual rectal thermometer made by a particular company (per that company's advertising). Last night, I think I saw something worse.

He was moving road block barrels at a construction site. To move them over so as to block a lane, he had to walk almost into the single lane left. The lane that was blocked on the other side by concrete barriers.

You know, I don't think I would want that job, under about any circumstances. I think I would rather test the thermometers than move barrels and get grazed by cars and trucks like that. Especially when there are drivers like me trying to horse a 26-foot truck between the lines...

LW

The Truth About Ironbear

You know, I've had my suspicions for some time now. Ironbear has allegedly been "hibernating", with his last post being this one. Well, the truth is out. It seems that he has a cousin up this way, Snowbear, who runs a frozen custard chain. The report is that some relative - can't imagine who it would be - has taken up residence in one of the coolers and is eating his way through the stock in it. If all this is true, figure that means we might see Ironbear post again soon, either through finally being through the food, or just so full or it he is about to explode and needing an outlet...

LW

It's True, I'm Pregnant

VW figured it out. The only thing I can do now is fess up, and hope that as the father Bou will do the same.

LW

Blood For Odin Saturday

Well, we have been ignoring Odin the Wise in our Saturday and other religious musings. So, to make up for the lack, here is a tale of blood sacrifice for Odin, or at least some bodily fluid. To prevent your making similar sacrifice, drink warning is in effect.

LW

What Type Dog Am I?

Actually, I am a wolf, but in the spirit of fun, I went and took this quiz that the evil Blackfive linked to on his site. That's my story and I'm sticking with it for now, especially as it said I was a Belgian Shepherd. In honesty, they are good dogs and well regarded for a lot of good traits. It's the Belgian part that gets to me. Oh well, it could have been a lot worse and said I was a french poodle.

LW

Happy Valentine's Day

This is the day Valen of blessed memory commanded that we polish the tines of all forks. As he said in the sacred scrolls "This day is set aside for the cleaning and polishing of all tines, so that they shall shine. This is a special requirement on the one who will come, who takes my place on my station, and gets my girl. Excuse me now, as I have to come up with yet another frustrating and humiliating ritual to make his getting the girl as slow and painful as possible. Babylon this five times...."

Ooops, wrong genre. To all the wonderful women in my life, thank you and I wish you all a wonderful Valentine's Day.

LW

A Funny For Saturday

Courtesy of Craig at mtpolitics comes this gem of a Star Wars III trailer parody. Drink warning in effect, it is long, but there are several options for download. Enjoy a laugh to start the day.

LW

A "Short" Caption Contest

Is up at Argghhh! The first caption and the sixth are my favorites, though the last reminds me of my last real qual.

We had done the formal work with the M-16, and went to full auto. It was the first time in a long time with an M-16, and I was used to something a bit heavier and with more kick. In this portion, you aim a bit low and let recoil walk the gun up the target, such that you start in the abdomen and end in the upper chest or even head. I forgot how light the recoil was an on M-16, and so overcompensated. Waaay overcompensated. My shots started around the ankles and finished in a glorious Ed Ames -- that's right, my shots blew the crotch out of the target. The range master looked at the target, looked at me, and said something to the effect of "Boy, you better go finish him off, because when he gets up he is going to hunt you down and hurt you." Never did live that one down...

LW

You Know You Have Not Slept Enough When

You clean the coffee maker, fill it with water, run it -- and only then realize you never put coffee in it

You spend ten minutes looking for your good dress belt -- and all the time it is firmly around your waist

Not all on the same day, thank goodness.

LW

A Good Point, Beaten To Death

By now, I figure about everybody and their brother has seen the latest anti-smoking/second-hand-smoke commercial on the air. No, that is not a PSA, it is a full-fledged commercial that take a good point and beats it to death with a sledge hammer. If it were not getting overplayed like a bad song, it might actually have been good. As it is, it is ripe for satire.

The Answer Is Yes

To both questions. The only question in my mind is if you should go for something Cosmic and out there, or full of thrust and vigor as you launch yourself on your musical career.

As for the central theme of the post, it has never really bothered me that I remember. Then again I am a wolf and to be honest I truly enjoy eating my favorite prey alive. That said, my distaste for chocolate bunnies was mainly to do with the fact that when I was growing up you could not find a dark chocolate one anywhere. I ate the milk chocolate and enjoyed them, but if I had had my druthers...

My Ex was fond of squirrels and I took great delight in eating the chocolate ones we found for Easter in front of her. Sadistic, yes, but enjoyable. I don't really recall the Santa's, but if it was chocolate I ate it without a whole lot of concern. Moose droppings, eggs, Einstein, whatever -- if it is reasonably good chocolate it was and is gone without quibble. That's the nice thing about chocolate, you can be very inventive. It can be poured into molds, wrapped around molds (I know of a couple that found a new use for the ice cream shell chocolate that made them both very happy), you can flavor it, and you can even sculpt it. Joy.

Then again, if you are really squeamish, don't go read this post about some modern Romans and what is getting eaten by whom.

Come to think of it, there was one animal-based food item that I did not like as a child. Too sweet, too fluffy, too bleh.

Peep Peep.

LW
who prefers his older, more meat on them

American Simplisme Endangers Innocents Yet Again

Yes, once again the cowboys of America are out endangering innocents. Failing to bow to the inevitable, they are bringing death and destruction where it need not come. Have we learned nothing from the past?

LW

The War Is Doomed

Better late than never, I have seen the light because of this story and now agree that the war is lost. Enjoy.

LW
who is not going to touch this one.

Getting In Bed With Evil

Can be so much fun! *G*

LW

Okay, Forget The Good Stories

On Social Security and the loss of the right to self defense in Illinois, this picture is just too good not to share. Bah Humbug

Scrooge Wolf

Day By Day Has Returned!

The wonderful strip Day By Day has returned. Chris Muir, the talented and nice person behind the strip, is back. Chris, my sympathies still, but I am also glad that you are sharing your light with the world once again. And one heck of a good start too.

LW

Protein Wisdom Is At It Again

With a hilarious take on the news. Go check it out, but put the drinks down first. Thanks to Triticale for the heads-up on this one.

LW

Some Humor For The Morning

Busy day, lite posting, but thought I would start the morning with a bit of humor. Someone I know has the occasional dealing with Hollywood-types and recently shared this. It seems that there is a television show that is not doing bad at all, especially for slot, network, type, etc. In fact, one of the actors (and I will not specify gender) has a bit of a following. It also seems that this actor tends to suffer from wind, as in breaking. The rumor is that it is so bad that cast and crew openly make comments and even the odd threat about it. Then something happened to brighten their day, and ours. It seems that for an episode, the major cast members ended up in real hazmat suits, sealed. Yep, you got it – this person ended up gassing themselves to the delight of cast and crew. From the description, I really do hope that they got it on film, and that it does end up on the blooper reel one day.

LW

Humor For The Weekend

If you are not reading Parkway Rest Stop, you are missing something. I am going to link to the first in a series of hilarious posts here and let you have the delight of scrolling through to find the rest. Enjoy, and thanks for the many laughs this series has brought me Jim!

LW

Laugh Of The Morning

Is here courtesy of Castle Argghhh!.

LW

A Good Laugh

Is up here and comes from someone who is having to deal with unmitigated scum having poisoned Gravy, his beagle. Jay Solo has the lowdown on this and more. Gravy is reported to be doing well, but go visit and send some more wishes to both of them.

LW